Thread:Fionahayan/@comment-34864859-20180416153417/@comment-34864859-20180521184524

Brace yourself, it’s another long one.

Me: I was raised in a good house, a good family, a Christian life, having no experience with evil. All my life I have thought of God as the person who made everything, I went to church and Awana, and never thought of anything else. When I was older, I realized I hadn’t actually chosen to be a Christian. I asked how I could, 1) believe God made the world. 2) believe he sent is son Jesus into the world to die for sin. 3) he rose from the dead and is now with his father. I had been told this my whole life, but for the first time I actually, truly, with all my heart believed it. I accepted God.    A little bit later, in school I would make placemats with bible verses on them to show off my handwriting. A girl with a headscarf came over and bought it. Later my mom told me she was a Muslim and didn’t believe in Jesus, instantly I wanted to tell the Muslims about Jesus. I went to youth group at my church, (which is the most awesome place on earth) and I came on the same day Daniele, an older girl, left. She shared her testimony of being a Christian, and afterwards I told her I wished she wouldn’t go and that she had such an inspiring story. She told me I was an encourager, following a light through all obstacles and darkness. I had this happy vibe around me, literally emanating joy to those around me. Another youth group night, a guy was playing a slideshow on how many Christians were known throughout the world, it went to one thing ‘South Sudan: no known Christians’ and my destiny was suddenly clear. I had to go! Go! Make a known Christian there and turn the tables. I saw homeless people sleeping on benches in the park, there because they were poor or had something wrong with their brains. They were there in the winter cold, and the spring wet. They didn’t have anything to do, not much to eat. I wanted to go to Sudan, meet the Homeless, orphans, and Muslims; be their friends, be their Jesus. I thought I knew God so well, I was at the highest peak with him, and then I saw a shrek Halloween movie, the zombie gingerbreadwoman scared me terribly, I could feel myself writhing in the devil’s grip. I was afraid, I was numb. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t think, had nightmares, couldn’t find God. I was always on the verge of tipping into the terrible darkness again. Then I remembered truth. I am a princess. I am the chosen daughter of God. I am his, Satan cannot have me. His love casts out fear, he is here to protect me and nothing can destroy him. I also had my friends and family to help me, Kam was the best. I finally got out of that area, I swam to the top again, slowly, struggling, afraid I would fall again. One thing I still feel kinda numb to is my joy. But I’m back, stronger than ever. At youth group, I used to stand stock-still in the middle of the room during worship. Then I began to sway a bit. Soon I was all in, jumping, spinning, laughing, moving my hands. I worshiped God with my whole heart. Then something new came, to girls, Kristina and Kylie (they have moved mountains for me) would move, just a little twisting also. Then two boys, Jaden and Zeek suddenly started. They began jumping up and down, copying me, doing there own thing. By now almost everyone has danced. At a youth group retreat, I admitted one thing, I’d never heard God. Two people, Zeek again and Jessica prayed for me. They both had visions, Zeek saw me at the gate of heaven, puzzling out a lock, getting the door open, and that’s definitely happening. Jessica saw me as a fairy, dancing on flowers the color of sunset. And that is true, everyone has seen me as someone happy, someone dancing. If we had to define a person by a color, I would always be yellow or orange. For the first time I heard God, he gave me an emotion, happy joy. At night, I slept. In my dream I met God, he looked human but not. He was shining and beautiful, loving and kind. He talked to me, told me he loved me, I was his daughter. He held me, gave me a crown. Called me a princess. I woke up and got to tell everyone. At another retreat, they said they knew fear was in us. They offered prayer. I went forward, I wanted to be a missionary but was afraid to do it. the lady who prayed for me would not stop till all dear was drained. She said I was a sunflower, looking to God’s face, seeing above the fear. Now I know I am a missionary. I was just a friend to you, trusted you and let you trust me. And that gave me the opportunity and strength to tell you about him. I am still a princess and his daughter. Jesus is my brother. I am Holy and immortal. God is in me and I in him. I abound beyond earth. I am still following the light, but I’m not doing it alone anymore. I have allies. Kylie, Kristina, Daniele, Zeek, Jaden, Kam, my IRL best friend, my other IRL best friend, they all have my back, they’re all following this light with me. And I am learning to be the light. To shine in the darkness, bring people from the shadows and into the light. I will not back down. I would like you on the journey with me. I want you all.